My daughter started JK this past September. It’s a whole new world of interaction and learning to communicate feelings, desires and needs to other people the same age as herself. I had my fears- would she fit in? Would she be able to get along? Did I do a good job teaching her how to be sensitive to others? It will be a mixture of her own personality and also a reflection of her experience in her home for the last four years of her life. I felt an immense pressure about how she would interact and express herself. I mean, I did my best to teach her and to model behaviour but I’m not perfect and is it enough? These are the thoughts that I think many parents have when their child starts school.
There were many mornings filled with crying about going to school and me coaxing her to feel comfortable and confident that she would be happy and content to go. But when I think about how young she is, only 4 years old, expected to attend school from 9am to 3:30pm, 5 days a week, I felt it is a lot! At first, I took her out at least 1 day a week. Then I took her 1 day every other week or a 1/2 day. If there was the slightest indication that she was getting sick, home for the day. She had a school trip planned to go on a bus to see a live show. She told me she didn’t want to go on the bus without me and that she was scared. I put my name down as a parent volunteer, but it is a raondom lottery for parents to attend due to the high demand. I told her that if a I wasn’t selected, that she could stay home. Closer to the date, we found out that I was not going to be coming and so I planned for her to stay home. Her teacher told me the day prior to the trip that she wanted to go and so I let her do that. My little girl went on her first school trip without me. As it turned out, she cried a little bit on the bus but ended up having a wonderful time! I felt as though it was another advance, in her path of growing up.
It’s funny, when I carried her in my belly I was so content. I knew where she was, felt her moving and knew that she was safe. The day of her birth was her first separation from me, her mommy. She had to breathe on her own, cry for me when she needed something and see the world through her own blurry little eyes. Each new phase, smiling, crawling, walking, talking, was another step of her individuality taking root. I knew, watching and admiring her as she reached each milestone. Still so little and new, but as a mother, I felt each step so vividly as she moved away from needing me. I know they are small steps, but a mother is acutely aware of how her baby is growing and adapting, learning and becoming her own person. To be completely honest, it is a bittersweet feeling. To be proud of the individual they are becoming, but at the same time, feeling silently a little bit sad about each step that they don’t need me for anymore. To this day, when we come downstairs in the morning after we wake up, she wants to hold my hand. Bless her little heart, I love it so much. The pitter patter of little feet running down the hall wakes me up any time in the night and I welcome my little love into bed with me. It is the same with my son and now, when I see the two of them sleeping peacefully together in bed, I feel so overcome by love, it hurts sometimes.
I often think about the future. About how my little girl will adapt to friends and finding her way. Nowadays it seems like there are so many things for her to get caught negatively drawn into. Will she be confident that she is an intelligent girl? Will she fall into the trap of worrying about her weight? Will she berate herself for not being something a boy or girl told her she should be? All the crazy questions that come about by the many unhealthy societal norms that exist seem endless. It is my mission to teach my children of their value. I want them to know that they are strong, smart, beautiful and wonderful people. They need to follow their hearts and listen to their inner voice. We are born with a knowing that comes from a place far more intuitive and fulfilling than what any popular culture or trend could ever proclaim. How do I help my babies see that? How can I make them know how important it is to never forget?
There is so much more important and soulful beauty that comes from the inner singing of our hearts than the empty lull of fashion and movie stars and all that jazz. I have never been a fan of those shows about star gossip. Yes, they become stars because society places what they do on a pedestal of perfection and ideal. But what is this ideal? Why is it appealing? What is it about each of these people that made them become famous in the first place? Do they eventually become a victim of the wheel of fortune? Perhaps they start off with good, honest and pure intention- that is what gets them into the spotlight, but then they are torn by money and fame and remaining in that place. There is just so much in the news about how these people are just as capable of being abusive of their power as anyone, and they are! Is that who I want my children to be influenced by? Who they model themselves after? FUCK NO!!!
In all the 37 years that I have existed, I have listened to my voice, found that it took me places, stopped listening and then became lost and then finally found it again. I want to help my children find their voice, be confident and strong in it, so that they never lose it. It is there, ALWAYS. If there is any gift that I can bestow on them, that it my wish. That they stay true, through all the bullshit of what others say, that they keep on listening to their inner voice and keep being the stars that they and all of us are meant to be. You see, we are all born with the pure intention of connection, love and faith in the vibrations of humanity. It is the negative side that turns us, that divides us, that makes us lose our light. I feel like our new generation is the one that will revive our true nature. We need to guide them, love them and show them what they are capable of. Let’s be the teachers, the gurus and the love that helps to nurture this process. It is truly our nature, we all are capable.
For now, at such a young age I try to teach my children that it is okay to disagree with what others think they should do. That they should consider what they feel inside more strongly. That they own their own bodies- it is as simple as letting them decide if they want to hug a relative goodbye or not. They decide. I am teaching my daughter to look at herself in the mirror and smile a real smile each day. To tell herself that she is smart and kind and important. To tell herself to think about the feelings of others and also her own. For now, I think it helps to build her confidence in a consistent way. She won’t do it every day, she’s only 4, but she does it. After all, anything you tell yourself enough times, will become your truth. I want to help her keep her positive truth so that she will carry it with her throughout her life.
Do you have any ways that you do this for yourself or your children? I’m always thinking about new ideas, would like to hear yours!
I wish for you the deepest feelings of love and faith in your own being. Namaste to you and all the humans whom you hold close💖