Over the last few years, I have really gained a confidence in what I know when it comes to yoga. When I first finished my teacher training and met people and teachers with so much experience, I wondered how I could ever feel confident to teach anyone yoga. After years of daily practice, learning from my teachers and even more so from my own trifecta of body, mind and soul, I started to get it. Now I am a yoga teacher and and teach what I know, no more and no less. It feels like this is the way it is meant to be.
Being confident in myself has been a long road in many respects and I have found my greatest teacher of all to be experience. When you speak to people who are getting on in years, they really have something to be respected for without knowing anything else about them. Life experience teaches rhythms, echoes important messages and above all else it removes novelty. It’s sort of funny that when we are young, we seem to think we know everything and much better than our parents because they don’t seem to react the way we do at that age. The truth be known, it is likely because they have been there and done that and know:)
I want to share a story with you that illustrates this novelty because the experience I had was new. The difference is how I managed the situation and how it demonstrates my life experiences and personal wisdom.
Recently I was thinking about going back to work part-time in the dental field which is how I have been trained professionally and worked in for all the years before I had my children. I applied to a place close to home. They were awesome, I did a working interview and we both felt like I was a great fit. But daycare and the odd hours threw up obstacles. I left the place I really felt comfortable leaving my soon to be 3 year old son crying because it wasn’t going to work for us. This was the novelty part- my emotions ruled my demeanour.
The self doubt I began to experience about every aspect of this course of events was overwhelming. I mean, I’m supposed to be able to work with my emotions and calm myself from my daily training and meditation but let’s face it, sometimes life throws a real curve ball and you get tossed down on your ass with your arms and legs flailing around like an upside down ladybug. I was literally losing sleep over my decisions. I didn’t want to lose such an amazing opportunity but once I started to reconnect and regain my ability to decode the messages my heart was delivering to my brain, I knew what was right. I had to let go of the opportunity. The timing wasn’t quite right and I didn’t really know what to expect, going back into the workforce after spending a few years at home.
The dentist and office manager were totally understanding and said that when I am ready, to give them a call and see where they are at. Sweet!! But seriously- it was interesting to observe my behaviour as the situation unfolded. Tension, stress and self doubt filled into my thoughts and feelings. But when you think about it, its okay to experience these feelings and observe how I feel. It is about the realization that this is what is taking place and that ultimately I must fully allow myself to lean into the trust I have on my intuition. It speaks softly, steadily and has never led me down the wrong path. I listen and I let things sink in. Maybe it is age, maybe it is my yoga practice or maybe it’s experience. Who knows? All I know for sure is that I am comfortable with my decision and there are important parts of life that deserve my undivided attention for as long as I am able to do that.
My little boo will only be this tender age once. Though I would like to get back into the work force, waiting a bit longer is the right thing to do. I do want to teach more yoga as well and that is something I can accommodate in my life right now. I can bring the gift of yoga to others and open the door for them to embark on their own journey within, to teach people how to breathe and reconnect with themselves. I have already started to bring this back into my life in a confident way. I am excited to see what is coming and more so to be free from the emotional roller coaster of self doubt I was riding!
Honestly, I hope that each and every one of you is having a fabulous Friday! I truly appreciate you all! I really enjoy reading your comments, please share your thoughts with me! Wishing you smiles, laughs, hugs and happiness always.